shortcomings

For me, hate is such an obvious a weakness. I mean, I can almost see how the cancer of hate eats away at the souls of the haters. That in itself seems to create more compassion, more often than not. But selfishnes, the real deep, oblivious kind where people can't understand that other people may see things differently. This narcissistic way of relating to the world, well now that's a challenge for me. I mean, I am never quite sure of how much to let roll off my back--it is them, I know--and at what point, I should say enough!

Serving Something Greater

When we're working solely for money, our motivation is getting rather than giving. The miraculous transformation here is a shift from a sales mentality to a service mentality. Until we make this shift, we're operating from ego and concentrating on the things of this world rather than on love.

—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

These are a few of my favorite things....

The Story of Stuff

Playing the Blame Game

Cited from http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2008/who_caused_the_economic_crisis.html

The Real DealSo who is to blame? There's plenty of blame to go around, and it doesn't fasten only on one party or even mainly on what Washington did or didn't do. As The Economist magazine noted recently, the problem is one of "layered irresponsibility ... with hard-working homeowners and billionaire villains each playing a role." Here's a partial list of those alleged to be at fault:

The Federal Reserve, which slashed interest rates after the dot-com bubble burst, making credit cheap.

Home buyers, who took advantage of easy credit to bid up the prices of homes excessively.

Congress, which continues to support a mortgage tax deduction that gives consumers a tax incentive to buy more expensive houses.

Real estate agents, most of whom work for the sellers rather than the buyers and who earned higher commissions from selling more expensive homes.

The Clinton administration, which pushed for less stringent credit and downpayment requirements for working- and middle-class families.

Mortgage brokers, who offered less-credit-worthy home buyers subprime, adjustable rate loans with low initial payments, but exploding interest rates.

Former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan, who in 2004, near the peak of the housing bubble, encouraged Americans to take out adjustable rate mortgages.

Wall Street firms, who paid too little attention to the quality of the risky loans that they bundled into Mortgage Backed Securities (MBS), and issued bonds using those securities as collateral.

The Bush administration, which failed to provide needed government oversight of the increasingly dicey mortgage-backed securities market.

An obscure accounting rule called mark-to-market, which can have the paradoxical result of making assets be worth less on paper than they are in reality during times of panic.

Collective delusion, or a belief on the part of all parties that home prices would keep rising forever, no matter how high or how fast they had already gone up.

The U.S. economy is enormously complicated. Screwing it up takes a great deal of cooperation. Claiming that a single piece of legislation was responsible for (or could have averted) is just political grandstanding. We have no advice to offer on how best to solve the financial crisis. But these sorts of partisan caricatures can only make the task more difficult.
–by Joe Miller and Brooks Jackson

Home, Where My Spirit Calls Me

Sad But True--We Really NEED Some Change

HOW RACISM WORKS
This letter to the editor recently appeared in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram:

What if John McCain were a former president of the Harvard Law Review? What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain were still married to the first woman he said “I do” to? What if Obama were the candidate who left his first wife after she no longer measured up to his standards?

What if Michelle Obama were a wife who not only became addicted to painkillers, but acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?

What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard? What if Obama were a member of the “Keating 5”?

What if McCain were a charismatic, eloquent speaker?

If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?

This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

— Kelvin LaFond, Fort Worth

Thanks Andy. I borrowed this from your site.

MLK Blvd Miami

God's Children

Oxala, Oxum

Mother Yemanja

Give us Faith and firmness

To follow our true path

We are all God's children

Sons and daughters of the Earth

We are all God's children

Sons and daughters of the sea

Our enemies are fear and doubt

The battle is within

Too often we forget our Light

Forgive us for this sin

....

Susanne - 4/7/97

God is everything

Blessed Be The Sun

Blessed be the sun

The moon and the Stars

I have never seen such beauty

Shining in the Heights

...

Surrendering

My life to the Divine

He is the Lord of my Destiny

It is the light that makes me shine

Makes shine

My consciousness

....

Padrinho Paulo Roberto

Nova Alianca

Reflections on White Privilege

As I prepare for another school year, some crucial lessons and thoughts from my travels are percolating in my mind. Of course travel is maybe the best form of education, but prior to my trip I initially thought that my trip was about me. You know, like the universe was guiding me to India in order to bump me up another notch in my spiritual growth process. And that probably is true on one level...I certainly practiced a lot of active faith and trust.

However, what keeps swirling around my undisciplined mind (yes, Shivam and Claire, I DO need to meditate more) is more about inequity, white privilege, and the political nature of my calling. "(O)ur privileged dominance often threatens the physical and cultural well-being of other groups is a reality that Whites, for the most part, have chosen to ignore. The fact that we can choose to ignore such realities is perhaps our most insidious privilege." (Gary R. Howard We Can't Teach What We Don't Know: White Teachers, Multiracial Schools p. 66)

While spending time with my friend, Balla, in Varanasi, I was witness to some despicable discrimination. It was very disturbing to me when my hotel explained to me that "local" people were not allowed in my room. I *clearly* explained to them, of course, that I was paying for the room and would choose who could or could not come in my room. They asked me when I was leaving. Or when we were waiting on the train and suddenly Balla was surrounded by police. They wouldn't believe that we were traveling together until I was able to produce a ticket with both our names on it and had threatened to throw him in jail basically for hanging around me. Since much of this was going down in Hindi, it was hard for me object.

As disturbing as these and other similar events were, seeing the benefits of my white privilege in this new context is what I am still grappling with. Initially, I think I was so busy seeing the places and the people that I failed to notice that whenever we went anywhere Balla would push people out of my way. In some instances, it seemed kind of protective and paternalistic, but I soon realized it was something else altogether. There was a bias for the foreigner, for me. People would move out our way, like I was something special. I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed it, until I realized what was happening. I think I figured it out on the train when Balla was telling an elderly person to move out of my way. My heart sank and I thought, "No, you've got it all wrong. These people live here, this is THEIR place; I am no one, just a visitor lucky to be passing through." I am still deeply troubled by this realization. My friend IP confirmed that this preference for foreigners is indeed another legacy of colonialism that is still holding many people back.

The all-pervasive "fairness" creams are just another obvious manifestation of this same history.

While many may find it easy to ignore one's privilege or to get bogged down in guilt and remorse. Neither of these approaches will create greater social equity or healing however. Now that I am home, I am challenged to use these experiences not only to expand personally--in some aspects of our lives, good intentions are just not enough--but to transform my pedagogy. Teaching is politcal. I am either serving to reinforce traditional patterns of dominance, OR I am CONSCIOUSLY and ACTIVELY seeking ways to dismantle institutionalized forms of inequity and oppression. And frankly, it's the least I can do with all the unearned benefits of my white privilege.

Homecoming

So I made it home...Linda picked me up with a nice birthday surprise--an awesome wonder woman book bag for school. Love it. I can't believe I have to report to work on Tuesday. I feel like I've lost my ability to work & focus. Going back to work is always so hard after traveling. Fortunately, I seem to do well under pressure.

New Jersey

New Jersey is nice in the summer.

Lisa's getting huge this time.

She's Back!

Well I made it back into the country ;)
After a shower and a proper pedicure and
sleeping for 16 hours straight I am starting
to feel like myself. I can't wait to get back
to Almira. The poor thing has been in hiding
the whole time that I've been away.

Absolutely STUNNING!!!! Way Better Than I Expected.

School Bus

These children are being brought home from school on a rickshaw. You will also see every other form of overloaded transportation as well. I never knew that a moped could seat seven.

The Great Divide

Bombay Door

This door is covered with the blocks used to print fabric. It was really very lovely. This post is for Lisa & Mara my two favorite design mavens. I better include Gabi in there too ;)

Kanheri Caves

We visited Kanheri Caves, which are a group of over 100 Buddhist caves found in the hillside of Bombay. These caves were expanded over a thousand years from the 1st century BCE to the 9th century CE and contain both Therevada and Mahayana iconography.

Calling Dr. Bombay!

Bombay, now known as Mumbai, was a special treat. Given the situation with my Kathmandu tickets, I wanted to do something but I wasn't sure what. Then, like a godsend, I received an SMS from Anupam wondering if I had made it to Bombay or not? I hopped on a flight and had a fabulous weekend partying Bollywood style...I even scored some director's number. (I know, I sound like a guy ;) We had a great time at all the fabulous clubs. My weekend jaunt to Bombay was just what the Dr. ordered. Thanks Anu!!!! I am seriously considering Thailand.

The "Asian" Toilet

For those of you who are not familiar, let me illustrate the so-called "Asian" toilet. You stand on the starting blocks and squat. Then you pour some water down there. The fun part is going on a moving train. It's actually growing on me though and they are often MUCH cleaner than the "Western" toilets.

Qutub Minar

Shirodhara

Shirodhara is an ancient ayurvedic practice where they pour a stream of special oils on your head. It was very relaxing and really helps to clear the mind. The most similar thing that I can think of, is when you get the scalp massage at the hairdressers. You know what I am talking about ladies! Highly recommended. :)

Animals

There are LOTS of animals roaming around India and it seems like they all eat. The dog issue can be a bit disconcerting however and I am a cat person. (Not many cats at all.) So, dogs live outside, as does a lot of the population, but they are not really seen as pets so they often have many battle wounds. I like the monkeys, but they are a little scary; one tried to take off my skirt. Mainly, I have seen cows, water buffalo, chickens, goats, dogs, monkeys, birds, a few cats and a sheep.

Indian Hospitals

Unfortunately, I had to visit the hospital because I was feeling so ill and my poop was bright green. (I'm sorry about all the poop references, but it seems to play such a visible role in Indian life. I guess because as Vanessa said, "Indian life is lived in public." You are not kidding sister!) The interesting thing is that I was seen right away, literally NO WAITING. I was attended to by about 5 doctors and the hospital itself was clean with state of the art technology. The consultation and treatment plan was 500 Indian rupees...about $11-12! My meds were about $3. After a few days of staying in at the hotel, I am feeling better. I tried to postpone my flight to Kathmandu, but ended up cancelling it and now the flights are booked or SUPER expensive. :( There's always next time. Nepal is rather unstable at the moment anyway.

Indian Food

Typical Indian dinner of dal with rice, vegetables and curd (yogurt). It doesn't look like much, but tastes good. It's hard to really know what you are eating without understanding the language. Obviously, going vegetarian is easy which is a plus. The odd thing is the "western" foods that are offered are basically all the same. Other than breakfast, these include: pancakes (really more like crepes), french fries, and sometimes pizza (not very good). Because of the hygiene issues, I haven't been able to eat the many salads and fruits that are appropriate for the scorching heat. As far as drinks, it's basically Coke, bottled water or Limca (lemon-lime soda). I've never drank so many cokes in my life.

Safe and semi-sound

Yes, I am safe and still somewhat sane. My movements have kept ahead of the bombs and any other serious trouble so far. India is so much bigger than it looks on the maps, but then again, you know the American reputation in regards to geography ;)

Frankly, I think I have hit my limit though...I am exhausted physically and rather cranky a lot. In an ironical turn of events, I realized I feel much less spiritual here than at home. Between the communication issues, being a female traveling alone in a "traditional" country, and everyone wanting to get me to go a long with their agendas, I am finding myself feeling like I have to respond very aggressively and with a lack of subtlety and nuance that my inner poet finds appalling. A lot of the time though people are trying to cajole you into doing stuff or buying stuff and "NO" doesn't seem to register. Maybe I better find out the Hindi word for "No, I don't want to buy an overpriced statue" or "No, if you are a rickshaw driver with bad teeth, there is absolutely no chance in us getting married and you getting a green card, no matter how much flattery you try to ply me with."

I'm planning on flying out to Nepal on Wednesday, so there is a lot going on there too. Then back to Delhi, then NJ, and then home!!! I miss my kitty, Almira so much. And my bed, I really miss my bed, and my rum slurpees by the pool. More soon.

Ahhh Civilization

It's very sad that subconciously civilization has come to mean large neon signs and shopping for me; however, after a few rough weeks, I've returned to Delhi to get my head right. IP took me to a large mall and I was inexplicably happy. Ironically I abhor having to go the mall at home. The first of these large malls came about 7 years ago and initially the stores were failing. But the capitalist cancer, which I now fear has been so embedded in my psyche that I secretly love it, has prevailed.

Surviving Your Guide

India is full of helpful people; there are guides and there are psuedo-guides. The challenging part is telling who's who or the professionals from the scammers and opportunists. Everyone has to make a living so I don't begrudge them that, it's just that here people do the job first. If you fail to negotiate a price or you don't realize that they are actually performing this service for you, then you may have problems. Many people showed me around for free or for meals, but that is not always the case. In addition to having no clear way to figure out someone's credentials, the other issue is that here, everyone mixes business and "friendship," making it that much more muddled. Much of what the guides do is to try to get you to shop at the places where they receive commission.
The upshot of this was that I had the most annoying guide ever, that I couldn't shake in Jaipur. They are very pushy and they show up at your hotel and wait for you. He kept trying to get me to go drinking with him (uh, no thanks), everywhere we went his friends and family would show up to meet me, I spent hours having to ward off aggressive sales tactics, and barely saw much of Jaipur. I was so annoyed and a little spooked that I booked a flight out of Jaipur asap. Well, when I went to leave I tried to give him some $, which he didn't deem enough and we got into it. He pulled out some paper trying to tell me that I should pay 1000 rupees per day. I was so fed up with his bs at that point, that I just told him to take the $ or not. He's actually trying to block me from entering the airport, but regardless I go inside. I go do my thing, get my boarding pass, do all the security checkpoints etc. and am waiting to board my flight when an older lady comes and starts reprimanding me and demanding I come with her. Her English wasn't great, but I can tell she is very unhappy with me although I can't ascertain her authority to get me pulled off the plane. They take away my boarding pass and security clearance...everyone is staring as I yell that I want the police. I'm brought into some office where the taxi guy is asserting how I robbed him. I am LIVID at this point. Anyway, I call my friend who threatens him and the guy settles for 500 rupees. I ask for his information and he says he will get it from the car and never returns.
That ended up redeeming me and the old lady apologized telling me that he came to her crying, but now she sees he wasn't legit. I told her that I hoped she remembered that next time she pulled some poor, female tourist off her plane when she is traveling alone and is trying to escape some weirdo. And then I started to cry....

Jaipur

Lingham

The lingham represents the masculine universal force, while the pedestal is the yoni and represents the feminine energies. Combined these two forces are the source of reality according to some Hindu teachings. The lingham is also a powerful symbol of Shiva and, in India, an omnipresent reminder of his abilities to create and destroy and the truth of impermanence.

Mahabodhi Temple, BodhGaya

BodhGaya, or BuddhaGaya, marks the place where Siddartha Gautama meditated and achieved nirvana. The tree is believed to be a direct descendent from the original tree.

Burning Ghat

Visiting the burning ghats is obviously a must, not as a tourist, but as a reflection of our own humanity. Watching the bodies as they burn can become a powerful meditation on one's mortality; however for myself, I was almost immediately drawn into a deep prayer/trance where I was connecting with all the shifting energies and spirits as they navigate their way back home.

Please note: I was given permission to take some photos from a distance, but normally all photos are strictly prohibited.

Sarnath

The Deer Park in Sarnath is where it is believed that the Buddha gave his first sermon after he achieved nibbana. This sermon became the foundation of all Buddhist teachings and is known as Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta or "Setting in motion the wheel of Dharma".

A Rose By Any Other Name or Sacred Shit Still Stinks

Ok, well I have to get candid here. This is a stinky place and I am grateful on a regular basis for my lack of nasal sensitivity. It's cool and all that cows are sacred, but negotiating the poop in the streets, especially with luggage, can be a drag. Even walking is challenging. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I fell again and split open the cut on my right knee. Varanasi is full of poop; there is cow poop, water buffalo poop, cat (not many though) poop, dog poop, goat poop, bird poop, rat & mice poop, and of course, human poop to contend with. No wonder I got sick. After a few days of extreme pooping myself, I finally realized that I had other symptoms of a bacterial infection, such as a low grade fever and sore throat. Thanks Dr. B for the meds. I don't know what kind of shape I would be in without them.

Varanasi Aarati Ceremony From the Boat

Shrawan Mela, Varanasi

Varanasi is Shiva's city and by good grace, I was landed in the city on the full moon prior to the beginning of Shrawan Mela, which marks the month of Shiva. Saffron wearing Kaniwarias make pilgimage while reciting Bol Bom and Har Har MahaDev.

For More info: http://www.sultanganj.info/

Local Transport -- Elephant

Ok, well I was not actually going anywhere, but I just had to add "elephant" to ongoing series about Indian transportation so I paid the guy 100 rupees. I almost fell off too. I guess I am going to need a lot more than a week long yoga retreat to find my balance ;)